She’s the Blueprint

Friends,

Ethan here -- I want to dispel some rumors going around that we've had a Nobel laureate ghost-writing these emails. If you've ever had a conversation with her or read her poetry, you know that Kylah is just an exceptionally talented narrator. This week, I'm going to make a humble contribution to this tapestry of our story by sharing my experience of our formative days.

It didn't take long after we started at Lenati for Kylah and I to build a special friendship, but it caught me by surprise. We didn't spend a lot of time together -- maybe an hour of quality time wondering around the neighborhood every two weeks or so. It wasn't much, but it was sacred. I can remember many of our early conversations: we talked about our evolving beliefs on love, navigating complicated work situations, and our core values and how we we/weren't living up to them. As much as the content of our conversations were rich, it was the feeling they left me with that stuck in my heart. It didn't take long before I realized that spending time with Kylah ignited a spark in me, like a gust of oxygen that woke the fire in my soul. I just felt myself come alive around her.

Throughout this long and early chapter of our friendship, the thought crossed my mind several times, "is it her you're looking for?" After all, I was very much looking for someone, as I have been most my life.

That question came to its first reflection point on a beautiful day, walking our normal route around the neighborhood when she asked me something like, "do you think we're soulmates?" I remember laughing, and saying something along the lines of, "well, yes, of course, just the platonic kind". And she smiled and said she felt the same. At the time, it didn't feel like anything more than an affirmation that our friendship was mutual -- that the way I felt my light glow around her was something she felt too. I took that affirmation and put it in my pocket as a badge of security that our friendship would last. 

For months and even years, we continued making investments in the title of platonic soulmates. We went on double dates, and Kylah even did multiple photoshoots of me and my girlfriend at the time. She took me on hikes to a secret treehouse she found, and on quiet winter evenings after work, I'd come over to make art. We took on more projects together at work -- leading our company's annual training offsite and social/professional development group. She continued to make my presentations pretty, and I continued to make her spreadsheets insightful. We started leaving each other video messages of funny thoughts we had, existential ponderings, and our most horrific faces. In my heart, she was my best friend and my favorite person.

In early 2020, just before Covid hit, I took a trip to South Africa with my dad and brother.

I remember driving through the barren landscape between Johannesburg and Kruger National Park when my dad asked, "Is there anyone special in your life"? I had taken a hiatus from dating after a traumatizing relationship collapse a few months prior. At face value, the answer was no. But I thought about the question, and said "Well, you know that girl Kylah I've been friends with at work for a long time? Nothing is ever going to happen between us [because she's destined to marry her boyfriend of 10 years]... but I think she's the blueprint of the person who I want to be with. There's just something about the way I feel around her, the substance of our conversations, and a quality of her character that inspires me. I see her at work, and I'm humbled by her intelligence. I know it's not her, but she's given me hope that I can find someone else with those qualities that I adore in her…"

And for the first time, the cracks in my answer "it's definitely not her" began to show.